omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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