I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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