you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
