she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
