I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
