I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
