It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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