fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
