The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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