You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
