I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
