what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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