so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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