i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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