Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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