Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
