Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
