i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
