capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
