is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
