When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
