mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
