dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
