He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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