The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
