My underwear smells like fireworks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm at about main and main street
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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