wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
