you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
birth control should be required to get into college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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