It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize