he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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