he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
