I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
