the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone signed my nipple.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize