Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently you make a good broom.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
