i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
