Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
