I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
