There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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