you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
