Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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