I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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