I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize