Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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