Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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