I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
