Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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