He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
