that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize