I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
