those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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