i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
