That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
