Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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