And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
is that a dick in a sweater?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
