She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
