While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
