Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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