remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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