Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
