i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
