you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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