They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
