did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
