i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
