Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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