I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
