I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
