Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
