Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
