Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
