I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I smell stomach acid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
