he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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