What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
