we're chasing vodka with high fives
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
