here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize