you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
