Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize