i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
