You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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