the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
