I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
