I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
