Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
