Soap is not a condiment
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
