well I can't set my house on fire every night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
