That's intense
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
