in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He felt like a one man threesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
