my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
