I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
