i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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