hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
