Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
