I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
