The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize